I have retuned and caught up on posts! Sorting out my life..

well all, I am back and have managed to catch up on the posts made in my absence. If I missed any, please forgive me. ...lol

Things have been a bit difficult since my return home. First of all I miss my kathy! Second, a 19 hour drive gives a girl a lot of time to think. ALOT of time. There are many things happening here at home, that I believe are not in my best interest. I have many family members that make unfair and unrealistic demands on me, that i always do my best to accomodate... i have decided that is changing starting now. I also have a husband that loves me very much and is very disabled & blind, and doesn't bother to participate in my life even at the capacity he could. That was addressed and he is not a happy camper really with what I had to say. Basically told him if his part in my life is no more than me being a caregiver and mommy, then that will be the extent of what I put into our relationship as well. He cried..asked for another "chance". I told him he has had 3 years of chance and it only gets worse. No longer will I expect nor ask him to take a more active role in our lives.

While this may seem rather "cold" to some, you must understand the pain and struggle I have endured since his accident 3 years ago. While i know what he deals with is very difficult, so is the effect it has all had on me. Even in ways he could more actively participate in life, he chooses not to. It is unfair to me and to his whole family. I am NOT leaving, but it is just time to begin to seperate myself emotionally for my own well being, or I will never find any peace or joy in my future.

It's been a rough few days for me... but I am hoping that somehow I will find the means to do some healing of my own and accept that this is just how it will be.

I hope life is gong much more pleasant for all of you. Don't worry about me.. I am strong and ornery and i will get through this time of self care that i have long been avoiding. Not sure how it will all unfold..but in the end I am sure I will be all the better for it.

Sending a big HUG

Thank you! It is appreciated very much!

I miss you too, we girls had a blast catching up and travelling around MN.    Do what is necessary for your mental health.  Set the boundaries that have become blurred by your family.  Life will evolve into what is meant to be.  Pass on huggs to your grandbabies from me.

Can't wait for the retreat next June.  Passed out fliers for the retreat at wls group on monday eve.  Small crowd, I will repeat this with the other wls group I attend.

Update on the garage, no walls yet, but I did park on the cement pad last evening.  Great view without walls, but they should be starting on the next part any day now.  Mega hugs.

Hoping you get your garage erected very very soon here! I guess Thursday there should be some folks here to work on digging and prepping for the foundation for my building. Wish they'd hurry! lol.

I am looking forward to June as well! Hope we get a full house for the retreat...it will be such a blast!
Hugs to the grandbabies will be passed on. And boundries are being set as we speak.
Love ya! Miss ya!

So glad you're home Patrece and it sounds like you are taking control of your life again.  I appreciate that you tell us that; it lets us know it's possible.  I pray that your family has the best possible outcome for all.  I can't even imagine what your husband is going/has gone through and the toll it has taken on you, him and your marriage.

God bless you all as you get through this difficult time.

Colleen

Colleen, thank you for your kind words and thoughts. It actually wasn't easy for me to post about this. BUT that is what our group is for. Support in all aspects of our lives, as they all affect our journey.

What I am hoping for with my husband is that he got a big wake up call, or soon will, so I can have a more complete life with him participating in it. But if not, I will be working toward finding ways to make my own life more fulfilling and meaningful, so in the end, it can only improve right?. One step at a time. If and when he decides to break through his self limiting beliefs, I will still be here to share his life more fully. And in the meantime will be here, but will be focusing on taking care of me more emotionally. I know he suffers tremendously, and i hurt for him every minute of every day, but in the end, it is only him who can decide when it is time to move forward and begin to accept the fate he was dealt and begin to embrace what he does have left, whi*****ludes a wife, kids and grandkids that love him and need him to be an active part of their lives, and the things we do together. I pray he will begin to heal emotionally some day soon.

Thanks for your support and encouragement.
Big hugs!

Patrece, I am glad your back and catching up on here. I am giving you thumbs up on having the courage to post something so dear to you in your life and private to most. Unbearable it is for you to suffer with your husband as the wife now labled the caretaker.

I feel for your family, your husbands accident left more than a dent in your life it seems. Not everyone can handle loss of sight or limited abilites very well. My mother is blind, partial limited sight in right eye. She suffers Fuchs' Dystrophy, which is hereditary, and I may have it as well.. she walks with cane and can barely move around, my father suffers in ways she does not understand.. we suffer with her too.. But she does try to participate sometimes throughout the year.. many birthdays and family functions she refuses to attend.. It is hard on us as her children, I can not imagine as a spouse..

The long road trip was something to help you place priority in your life as you needed to see it. The strength it was to take to confront your husband at last was alot.. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself.. I do feel for the changes you had to experience that was unwanted and I pray you find happiness inside yourself and for your family too,.. esp to be at peace with your decisions. Trying to understand your husbands place of mind, with what fate handed to him, to have his life with his family now limited, choices he is making as result of the accident is costing him more of his life than living it, hope he changes for the better of everyone..
I do pray strongly for your family Patrece, and whatever choices come about, that you are at peace and happy.

Big Huggs!

Thank you so very much for the heartfelt and caring response to my post. I know I will get through this and be ok, I just have to always take time to care for me and to seperate myself from some of the pain that surrounds our lives. I usually deal ok with most of it, but it has just been like a constant backslide on his behalf for the past several months, and it is resulting in his unintentional hurting of those who love him.

I am not leaving, just spreading my own wings a bit to escape some of the negativity here and enjoy my life to some extent. Today my Daughter in law told him that she wishes he would be more active with the grandkids when they are here, like he used to be even since the accident. Maybe hearing it from more than just I, is what he needed and may help open his eyes a bit to the fact that his loved ones are missing him being involved in thier lives.

I have tried to suggest so many things to help him ... but he just isn't ready to accept his ill fate and learn to move on. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't getting worse. I hurt for him and what he endures. Think I'd rather have had it be me than him. I am so much more stubborn and ornery than him when faced with difficulty. I just don't know how to help him other than to be honest with him on how things are making us all feel. Sometimes we all need a good dose of honesty. I do all I can to assist him in daily life and take good care of him. guess time will tell what will open his heart and mind to accepting this and trying to embrace what he does have in life.

Hugs, Patrece. I am finding as I go on that there are many people - family, friends, co-workers - *****ly on me a LOT. And in return I get taken advantage of. So I do understand where you're coming from, and it's always the ones closest to you that make it hurt the most.

This is something I've just begun to recognize and deal with in my life. I have made a couple of attempts at gently making my feelings known to those closest to me, but I feel as if it's falling on deaf ears. I'm trying to figure out how to get the message across without pushing everyone away completely; we do have some drama queens in this family! I am typically the pace keeper, not the one making waves, so I find this a very awkward position to be in.

It sounds like you're taking the steps you need to, Patrece. I'm sure the rest of us will find our way as well. Take care and God bless.